For the last few years, we have gone to the same New Year’s Eve party out here in Ding Dang Woods. This year we must have inadvertently fallen a few rungs down some hillbilly social ladder, because we weren’t invited. Too many of our own teeth, perhaps? Never fear! We just threw our own damn party.

And quite a party it was. We had sass (Read: ass).

We had legs (Think: ZZ Top song).

We got baked.
(Okay, I cooked something but I’m trying to sound cool here.)

We did some break dancing, played limbo and footsie…

…and threw people over couches. (Read: Sophistication)

We had party hats, goose and even got laid.
(I’m telling ya, I am THE party planner.)

At midnight and after the Jonas Brothers (a must),
we slobber each other down and the rest is a blur.

New Year’s Day was spent being lazy, a little hungover and cleaning up the house. Friday morning, I had to get up early to take Lillian to her chemo appointment.

Two months into to this weekly treatment plan and she was halfway there. So far, all of the vet’s report were positive. Being that 85% of dogs react favorably to treatment, we were hopeful that we would get that extra year of life or more that the chemo was supposed to provide. We were just becoming comfortable with that hope.

Most chemo days, I drop Lillian off at 8am and wander around Fairfax, VA for 6 hours or so. It never really makes sense to sit in the hour traffic to get home just to go through it all again when they call to have her picked up. So I wander. This Friday, I was wandering through CVS when my cell phone rang.

Hi Kimberly. This is Dr. Fullerton from the Veterinary clinic. I have some bad news for you…Lillian is out of remission.

As I sobbed in vitamin isle, the vet went on to explain that Lillian’s cancer has turned out to be too aggressive for chemo. The fact that her lymphnodes have swollen back up in only a week while in the middle of treatment means that the chemo is not working. Yes, there are other courses of chemo (other drugs) but they would only buy her 3 to 4 months of life. Right now, they tell me she has 1 to 2. So, keeping her comfortable is only thing to do. And to say goodbye.

Friday was excruciating but I’m not blaming 2009. This is unfinished business from 2008 and I’m more than relieved to have that year behind me. Pretty soon I’ll think I’ll be looking for that hope again…

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Today is the day to make resolutions for the new year that begins tomorrow. Making ones you can actually stick to have become more and more challenging the older I get. It’s quite possible that I set my sights too high. I am me, after all. Which means I probably never will read the owners manual to anything or quit swearing or eating junk food.

This year I want to scale down. I want to minimize my footprint, consume less, throw away less and recycle more. I also would like to have less going on in my personal life so that I can be more productive and organized (but honestly, I’m already chuckling at that one as I type it). I want to be less judgmental and give people the benefit of the doubt more often that not which may be hard considering my inner bitch does have her job to do. Maybe I should just concentrate one #1 - being more environmentally conscious. Yeah, I think I can handle that.

What about you? What are your resolutions this year? Are last year’s resolutions ones that you were able to keep? If so, can you be my life coach?

With a new year staring us in the face, I wanted to do a little giveaway to celebrate our collective fresh start. I just know 2009 is going to be THE year for us.

It’s a calendar. A very cool and beautiful calendar created by my talented and pregnant cousin, Meredith - who also created the website that bears its name, Okinawa Hai! And it’s sold out so tell your friends not to be haters when you win.

All you have to do to enter the drawing is leave your 2009 New Year’s Resolution in the comments section below. I’ll pick a name at random on January 3rd and the winner will have their calendar sometime next week. Sound good? Let’s hear it!

Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Contest Closed - Winner: Unga Chunga (Yes, my mother won fair and square)

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And the husband was home,
Which meant Momma wouldn’t have to sleep alone.
All through the house the rooms were occupied,
With boys and girls and their pups from far and wide.

The mood was happy although the floors weren’t so clean.
A fire burned in the fireplace and the little ones dreamed,
Of what wonders would await them at morning’s light,
While the grown ups tiptoed around making everything just right.

The moon rose as the clocked tick-tocked away.
Tomorrow would be a magical, whirlwind of a day.
A hush settled over the mountain as heads bowed and blessings were counted.
Knowing what matters most is what fills our hearts and who’s gathered around us.

Wishing you the Merriest of Christmases, Joy in your heart and Peace in your house (and mine) tomorrow!
Love,
Kimberly

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My kids have gotten all kinds of creative lately. Just the other day, I overheard my 13 year old telling her sister that “the glue gun has opened up a whole new world to me”. And that’s deep. So what have they made besides a gigantic mess?

Coming soon to a pet boutique near you - the latest fashions in pipe cleaner tiaras for dogs.



Tired of the same old bag? How about a calico recycled granola box to carry your essentials?


Warning: The glue gun, as fancy and magical as it is, does in fact produce extremely hot liquid glue.
No matter what you think, pressing the tip of it to your forehead to test its temperature is NOT a good idea.

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After not sleeping more than 3 hours a night since Saturday, my body finally broke down Thursday night and gave in to blessed slumber. Yes, going to the doctor helped. So did working out like a banshee all week. The last 2 nights, I clocked in around 5 hours but they were fitful. Stress, mostly the stress of things left to be done that meets me when I walk in the door and lay down to sleep, is the worst to push aside, or overlook, or ignore. And actually, my heart feels funny just typing that. I am not through the woods with this and the sad part is I’m not sure what the woods even look like. Meaning: I don’t know the root cause.

My friend Lori asked me, “Do you think it’s the quitting smoking?” No, I quit 6 weeks ago (on Nov. 4th - Yes I Can DAMMIT!). “What about the dog? Do you think it’s because Lillian is sick?” No, that’s been going on for 2 months now and as depressing as it is to take your very best canine friend to the vet once a week for 6 hours in order to prolong her life, and not save it, most days I think I have my head on straight there. My heart is broken but my head is straight. “Maybe it’s just everything. Maybe you hit a wall.”

I don’t know about a wall but I almost hit a car the other day. When I came out from the gym, I realized that I parked 0.5 inches away from the car in front of me. Totally my fault. Luckily, I got the hell out of there before the owner of the vehicle that I almost plowed into witnessed my shame.

Maybe it’s because I’m doing this single mother act while we are living bicoastally. Maybe it’s watching my children grow up and feeling my ovaries age along with my face and wondering what the hell I’m even doing with myself in these Ding Dang Woods. Maybe it’s watching as people you thought were your friends turn their backs on you. And worse, sometimes they even stoop so low as to hurt your kids. Maybe it’s worrying about the Christmas dinner menu or where everyone will sit - or sleep for that matter. Maybe it’s thinking about what I’ll say if my aunt decides to reprise her role in my house this holiday. God help us every one.

Honestly, I don’t know why I’m not sleeping but I know it’s making me loco. Also, it’s keeping me from writing anything that makes a lick of sense. (Should I insert my apology for this post here? Nah. We’ll keep going.) I still have reviews to do, cookie ingredients to buy, sheets to change, presents to wrap, bills to pay, a dog to shower and yet here I sit chewing my hair and feeling my heart beat faster as I type. And yet, none of this is earth shattering.

It makes me think that the medicine prescribed to help me relax before bed may be better taken in the mornings. Perhaps then I will experience some of that joy and peace I keep hearing about.

Footnote: When I am able to sleep, I have the most bizarre dreams. Last night, my dream was Nana telling me in a very animated fashion about how she wants a jacuzzi bathtub put into her condo. My 90 year old Nana said she wants the massaging bubbles. Besides the myriad of images that conjures *shudder*, I am left with one question. How the hell would she get out of the tub?

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Day 4 of my insomnia streak from hell sucked rotten eggs. How’s that for an opener?

I spent 6 hours waiting for my dying dog to have her chemo treatment. Came home to make 100 edible snowmen kits for the 4th grade party tomorrow (4 marshmallows, 8 mini chocolate chips, 6 pretzel sticks, a scarf made from a fruit roll up all tucked neatly into a ziplock baggie) and then I listened this message from my friend -

“Kim, I just watched the youtube video. It was soooooo good! I loved it! By the way, I just wanted to tell you that you don’t look that thick in real life. Seriously, you look much thinner in person.”

Yep, I’m thick and tired. That about does it for me.

Kimberly out.

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